Live in the Moment, Think Eternally.

Lately I have been thinking too far ahead.  Learning about eternity and the vastness of the plan of salvation is incredibly tolling on a weak mind like mine. There are so many little details that I do not comprehend. The different concepts and events that will take place at the second coming has been fun to learn but stressing on my less-than-capable mind.  Before talking to my friend Chelsea a few weeks ago, all I could do was plan. Plan, plan and plan on planning.  Everything has to be scheduled just right in order for me to get an A in a class, get my YW medallion, hang out with my friends, have family time and have some me time. In order for this to happen, I was constantly thinking about what was next.  While watching a movie I would be thinking about how long it would take me to get home from the theater and what I could do to shorten that time and what homework I could get done afterward, in order to utilize my time advantageously. Unfortunately, I forgot half of the  movie and couldn't remember if I got popcorn or not right after I left the theater. My planning had gotten to the point that I could not live life and enjoy myself.  My friend Chelsea graciously listened to my problem and told me that what I need to do is to live in the moment.  I need to enjoy right now, not just plan on enjoying something later in a designated block of time.
After talking with Chelsea I have been getting much better at being able to enjoy myself in what is going on around me, and not just fretting about the future. I am still fretting a lot, but I can remember the movies I watch. Thank you Chelsea!
Later, after this whole live in the moment epiphany, I was talking with my friends Jeremy and Ashlyn.  We were talking about the future, second coming, millenium stuff.  As our conversation came to a close, I told them that we have to not just think about the future, but enjoy what we have right now.  Jeremy then replied that we can't just live in the moment though; we have to think eternally as well so we don't make huge mistakes.
This idea of living in the moment verses planning ahead is extremely hard to find a solution to. I like the movie Serendipity, in which a guy meets a girl and the girl relies on fate to bring them back together.  A few years after they meet they are both engaged and end up breaking off their engagements to find each other at the same time.  Through fate and luck they find true love and live happily ever after. I like the idea that their is a bigger picture that I can't see, a bigger plan that my little mistakes or decisions won't effect. I can just live in the moment and know that everything will be ok.  I don't know everything about the big plan, and that's ok. I don't need to know, I just have to trust Him to guide me to where I need to go.  At the same time, I need to take an active stance in creating myself. I need to plan to get my homework done and to get my YW medallion; I don't need to plan out what my college major will be or what my wedding will be like or what's going to happen during the millenium. That's too far ahead, and I don't have to think about it yet; so I won't fret about it.
I thank both Chelsea and Jeremy for helping me realize that there is a balance between living in the moment and thinking eternally. I know that I need to keep my perspective on eternity and make right decisions to get me where I want to be, but I also know that I need to trust Him and let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully I can attain this balance in thinking and living.

What is a friend?

What is a friend?  Is it someone you share experiences with? Is it someone you have shared experiences with?  Is it someone who knows the things you know? Is it someone you enjoy being around? Is it someone you can tell anything and everything to?  Is it someone who is friends with your friends?  Is it someone who makes you laugh and, in turn, you make them laugh? Is it someone who laughs at the same jokes? Is it someone who won't think less of you no matter what? Is it someone you could go anywhere with and have a fun time? Is it someone your age? or can they be any age? Does a friend think the same way you do?
These questions puzzle me, because if a friend is all of those things then I have yet to find a true friend.  Maybe the true friend lies within a Utopian society.  We can imagine a true friend, but we will never find one.
Yes, I have many great friends, girls and guys, all of them wonderfully fun and awesome in their own way; but I don't think they are my true friends every now and then.  It isn't that they are mean, it's just some small things that they do that a true friend wouldn't do. One example is when all I do is listen to them. I may be someone's best friend, because they tell me everything, but if they don't listen to me in turn I find they are not my best friend.  It sounds selfish, but that's just how it is. I will listen and care about your needs and wants, but you have to return the favor and listen to my woes to be my true friend. I always seem to be listening to others, being their for them through their drama despite the fact that they aren't always there for me. I don't know when or where to look for true friends, because my school is so full of cliques.
Cliques.  The downfall of High School social life.  At my school, everyone's been friends with the same people since Middle School.  They've all grown up in the same neighborhood, the same ward and the same friend group.  I don't blame them for wanting to stay in their comfort zone, but would it kill someone to hang out with the new girl for once? Or even just reach out to the person who has been in 5 of your classes since the seventh grade?  I know I am an offender of this clique business, but my goal is to try to break free of it.  I am shy and it's hard. I don't know how to keep a conversation up with people I don't know after my initial ice-breaker comments. I am challenging myself to be friendly to everyone and not hang out with the same 3 people every weekend.  If any of my fellow classmates read this blog, please try to do the same. It will be a lot easier if more of us break free of our little penguin circles in the commons area and get to know different people.
To my true-er friends:  I think you guys are amazing and super fun at times and this blog is in no way written to dis on you or our friendship. I am just trying to figure things out, so don't be offended. Love you guys!

My Long Awaited Winter Wonderland

There's that moment. That feeling. When your heart skips a beat and your thoughts start to run. You feel happy, loving and caring. This is what I call a heart flutter. Often times it happens when I see something beautiful, something that makes me overjoyed or when I see my crush at school. Today my heart fluttered when I saw the snow. Ideally I would've been reading my book next to the fire place when the first flakes began to drift, but being inside the mall, shopping with my friend was a pleasant scene to. Hopefully this snow will stick around for a little while, allowing me this season's winter wonderland, and then melt into spring after a month or so. I'd rather not have it snow after my birthday in May, but with this delay of winter I'm thinking it will probably be a repeat of last year's snow storm in June. For now Happy Valley sits with an inch-or-so-deep blanket of snow on top of it. I look out the window and my love for winter begins to warm me inside.

May Spring come another day 

and for now please, Winter,

                                             stay.

We Got a Tortoise! ... and the Flu

Bubba Tuck, basking under the heat lamp,
sitting on top of his food.

With parents in Hawaii without us, we are enjoying our new pet tortoise and a flu bug.  For Christmas, instead of iPods or other fancy works of technology my little bro Chance asked for a turtle. He researched turtles for sale on ksl.com and found our very own Russian Tortoise!  After many heated debates, we came up with the name Tuck Bubbles Carr- I call him Bubba Tuck. (My vote was for Cobra Bubbles, Jon's was Tuck Furgeson and Chance came up with Tuck Bubbles) Soon after we had this wonderful reptilian addition to our house, we found out that tortoises and turtles can carry disease on their shells without being affected by it. We think Chance and Javi could have contracted the flu from holding Tuck and not washing their hands afterward. However, Chance insists that they could have gotten it from anywhere and we CANNOT blame the tortoise for illness. That was last week, but now we have two awesome Grandparent babysitters watching us; one of which has been down with a similar looking flu bug. I only hope that the rest of us can hold out without getting sick, at least until we're well into the new school term.

High School

High School. The gemstone of adolescence. It's all about the cliques, what Susan did with Bob and vainly trying to "find yourself".  I don't think the phrase "finding yourself" is accurate. You don't merely look through your closet and stumble upon an epiphany of who you are; you develop yourself. You are not playing a game of hide and seek with your soul; you develop your talents, discover what you enjoy and live life. One of the false notions I've always held was that I am subject to my circumstance. I am a Cinderella without her fairy godmother, waiting for Prince Charming. I'm starting to realize that there isn't going to be an epic moment where I'll find out who I am and what I'm destined to be. There isn't going to be a bippity-bopity-boo and "poof" I'm a princess. But that's the beauty of it. I decide. I don't rely on others to tell me what to do, what to be. I don't have to watch as life moves past me, idly standing by. I am the master of my own fate, NOT the stars. I don't just play the game, I create the game. True, there are other players, but I call the shots, not them. So I will not "find myself", because if I do it means that either someone else molded me into what they wanted or that I missed out on the uncertain, hopeful and excitingly suspenseful times of "creating myself". And so I walk through the High School halls, still thinking about cliques and what Susan did with Bob; but no longer am I searching. I am creating.

End of Semester... FINALLY!

After a brutal first five months of my sophomore year I am now officially half way done!  As much as I love social drama, devil teachers, obese PE instructors and only 5 hours of sleep a night, I am tired of school. Hopefully this 3-day weekend will provide some much needed me-time. My mind is fried to a crisp. All I can think about is the transoceanic slave trade, the pervnert chemistry formula (PV=nRT) and Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.  I no longer control my own thoughts; my teachers do! As I continue through the school year, I hope that my classes will become more enjoyable and my brain will be able to cope with all the thoughts running through my head.

I Believe

Everyone believes in something. Religion is a label put on something a group of people believe in, but it is not the only method of belief. You can believe that one day you'll find love. You can believe that life is a wonderful string of opportunities or you can believe your life is horrible. You can believe that tomorrow the sun will rise and a new day will begin. You can even believe that you don't believe in anything. I believe in my Savior, Jesus Christ, who atoned for my sins. I believe that I have a Heavenly Father and that he looks out for his daughter and loves me very much. I believe that I am a part of a plan of salvation; a plan that will bring all those who so desire back into the presence of our Father in Heaven. I believe I'm here on this earth to be tested and tried so that I will have the confidence to live eternally with my family and Heavenly Father. I am so grateful I have this knowledge of these truths. The undying joy I have every time I realize that the full gospel of Jesus Christ is here on the earth and the fact that I am blessed to know it makes me want to share it with every person I see. I wish that everyone would choose to feel the unconditional love that I feel from our Father in Heaven. I love my Savior and the sacrifice He made for me in the Garden of Gethsemane and am forever indebted to Him. I thank my family for raising me with this knowledge and I only desire to share this truth to my future children and anyone else who will hear this great message. James 1:5- If any of you lack wisdom,let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. If you don't know of the truth I know, this website is a good place to start: lds.org

Something New

I am constantly thinking, analyzing and observing. I'm pretty sure my friends and family don't follow my train of thought as fast as I think it. I've heard of blogging and have read a few blogs, but I've never been inclined to blog myself. Lately, I've been looking for new things to try and fun things to take my mind off of school and all the drama that comes from my peers. It's a new year and I've made some new resolutions; one of which is to try something I haven't done before. So here it is, something new.